I am sitting here on a Friday afternoon trying to think about what I want to talk about. Not usually an issue, but today inspiration isn’t exactly flowing through my veins. It’s been a while since I’ve flexed my writing muscle, but it’s also been a mad couple of months, both personally and work-wise. Probably not something for this blog, so hold that thought.
Normally I am full of creative ideas. I sit down to write and I have a topic and a song title in mind that reflects that. Today, nothing! Nada. So let’s just see where this goes eh?
Perhaps that’s the point of this blog? Talking about what it feels like when you’re feeling flat and you have no zest for anything. It happens to us all, but it’s not often something we talk about openly, and you know I love to talk about something that most people shy away from.
That is my whole USP!
The other day I posted on LinkedIn about how I hate the whole ‘Good vibes only’ sentiment that is going around a lot at the moment. Don’t get me wrong, I am all for positive affirmations and seeing the good in life, but it’s when it becomes too much, and by that I mean at the exclusion of all negative thoughts etc, that is when I have an issue. No one needs that shit.
Life is hard. It’s not a straight line, we live a life in 3D and that means that there are ups and downs. That is who we are. Our brains are wired to see danger and keep us safe, so there has to be some level of variety.
I look at my situation right now, with all the stuff I have going on, and I often wonder why I am still here!
That’s not to mean that I am suicidal, I am not. It’s just a lot has been thrown at me in the last three years. But, there is a part of me that is stubborn, and I have no intention of letting this stuff beat me. BUT, it doesn’t mean I have to be happy as a pig in shit every day, does it?
It’s all about acceptance.
I accept that my life isn’t exactly going in the direction that I wanted it to, but that acceptance also means that I can make changes. I’ve had many conversations with people in the past about how you need to accept something to be able to change it. Look at people trying to stop drinking or smoking Until they accept it’s an issue for them, they’re not going to make changes. Right now the changes I am making are not the great strides I wanted them to be, but they are there.
I am starting to take better care of myself, that really is slow progress, but I am doing it. I am back in therapy again, and loving it. I am looking at my home environment and how I can make that work better for me. None of these are going to leapfrog me to my (hopefully) final destination, but they are steps forward to where I want to be.
And where do I want to be?
Well, that’s another one that is not for now, you’ll just have to trust me on that one.
Needless to say, I know that there will be some fundamental differences from how my life looks now. Whilst that can feel really scary on the one hand, on the other it’s incredibly exhilarating and what is keeping me going when times get tough. I am lucky that I have an army of people around me too, who have my back and keep me going when I have days like these. I hope they know who they are!
I guess the point of this blog is that you don’t have to be always switched on and ‘doing’. Sometimes you need space.
You need time to just be, zone out, freewheel and see where life takes you. If you go with it and don’t fight it, then I am pretty sure you’ll always find your way through. Not only that, you’ll usually come out the other side with some renewed lust for life!
Maybe that should have been the title for this? Maybe Iggy is for another time too, let’s just be happy with this road we’re on right now and see where it takes us eh?
Not Middle Aged 